Obsessed
by 0Rosina0
Summary: Syaoran means everything. Even if she can never have him to herself, just keeping him away from others should be enough. Perhaps even just maintaining his perfection, as Syaoran, is enough. SS


_A/N: This story has a bit of history to it. I've posted it elsewhere for a different fandom before. I'll link to the original on my fanfic profile (It's from a fandom that is not allowed on this site)._

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, nor any of the characters, such as Meiling, who I just discovered doesn't exist in the manga. O.O

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><p><strong><em><em>Have you ever had someone who was the most important thing to you? A person who was your world, and all you could think about was them. You'd go to sleep hoping the time would pass quickly just so you could speak with them the next day.<em>_**

**But were they always just a little too out of reach?**

**_It's heartbreaking, when every New Years goes by and all the couples share their first kiss of the year, and all you can do is stand lonely in the corner because your heart belongs to only that one special person. It's heartbreaking, when every Valentines day passes and you still only get a quick message from him wishing you a good day._**

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><p>As a child, I lost one of my birds. These birds meant a lot to me, and I was quite distressed. Tears poured from my eyes as I remembered the open door of the bird cage swinging slightly in the breeze.<p>

That was when Syaoran arrived, and he asked that I desist my crying. He then turned and ran off into the woods. I waited in my tears, as he scoured the forest in search of the bird. After what seemed to be ages, Syaoran returned. In his arms was the poor bird. Tears of joy rose in my eyes, to his complete confusion.

After this event, I declared my feelings to him: that he was the most important person to me. We promised to stay together forever.

_**I**_ was the only one who kept that promise.

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><p>Many years later, I still continued my friendship with my cousin, Syaoran. As children, we both saw each other quite often, due to being part of the same encompassing family.<p>

However, our families eventually moved apart, and our contact dwindled to sparse letters or emails. This persisted despite how **I** responded to every interaction as soon as it was received. He explained the scarcity of contact as being a product of his busy life, full of martial arts practise and family business. My young self understood this reason, but **I** still cried over it.

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><p>So that is the abbreviated version of how I came to be the pen-pal of Syaoran. Pen-pals was about how far our relationship went. Our letters and emails mainly consisted of explanations of our days and discussions on the current martial arts culture.<p>

I'd like to say that we shared everything with each other, but that could be only a distant dream. **I** was no exception from the rest of the world. **I** heard about his current girlfriends and the schedules of his tournaments at the same time as the rest of the world. I guess it was sort of a distant relationship. Still, I couldn't help but marvel at his accomplishments and abilities.

**Syaoran** was never once awkward. As hard as **I** tried, **I** couldn't help but get into awkward situations with other people. **I** just wasn't a successful people person.

**He** also had a personality that I couldn't help but compare with Romeo from the play, __Romeo and Juliet__. **Syaoran** was sad and melodramatic at one moment and unbelievably optimistic at the next. **I** couldn't help but be envious of him and his strength of emotion.

**I** thought about him a lot. **I** didn't have many real friends. There were only people at school who I hung out with or some people who I could ask favours from. However, I had become pretty close with a younger peer of another cousin of mine. That cousin had introduced us at the age of ten at one of Syaoran's martial arts competitions. When we grew up, we became roommates.

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><p>My friend was a petite girl, who had a knack for getting into trouble. Her brother was over protective, and always worried about her and her perilous actions. However, this adventurous stage finished and her brother could breath a sigh of relief. Nonetheless, she'd earned a wonderful inventory of fantastical stories.<p>

With these experiences, **my friend** grew into a beautiful twenty year old woman. We had shared an apartment for a few years, and somehow we still managed to get along despite living in the same room. She was aware of my contact with Syaoran, and smiled when she thought of the peer that had initially introduced us.

Do you know someone who seems perfectly flawed? My friend had an awful temper which flared in any situation, yet _**she**_ was full of kindness for complete strangers. _**She**_ was shy around people she didn't know, and was incredibly gullible. _**She**_ had a wonderful sense of humour. _**She**_ was very slow in the head, but it made her approachable.

In total, I almost felt threatened by _**her**_ flawed perfection. She was everything _**I**_ wanted to be.

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><p>One day, I was lucky enough to see <strong>Syaoran<strong> in person. **I** only saw him about once a year. He had unceremoniously entered the apartment I lived in without knocking. He was in one of his melodramatic moods. **I** had been unaware that he'd recently had a girlfriend, but this was undoubtedly the typical behaviour for **Syaoran** post-breakup.

"I hate trying to understand girls," **he** complained. He groaned in frustration and threw himself face first on my living room couch. He started to fiddle with the tassels on one of the cushions. **I** was nervous, as I had absolutely no idea how to talk to people when they were upset. **I** furiously tried to think up a response that would be neither hurtful nor make me sound weak. My silence stretched out far longer than I meant it to. **Syaoran** took this time to complain some more.

"Why can't they realize I'm my own person? I mean, sure I do some martial arts and I'm the heir to the clan, but it's not like I can act like a goody-goody all the time," **Syaoran** moaned, confirming my suspicions of a breakup, yet still not helping me decide what to say to comfort him.

"I need someone who will accept me for me. Not someone who is needy and attention seeking. I need someone who can make me laugh and doesn't expect too much." It hit me that he needed confirmation that there was someone out their made for him.

"Syaoran?" I asked, as **I** awkwardly walked over and tried to get his attention by poking his back. He lifted his face from the cushion with a hint on a frown on **his** face.

"What," _****Syaoran****_ spat. **I** cowered for a second, then closed my eyes for a moment to gather the courage to say something that might help him.

"Syaoran," I repeated, "There really are people out there who will accept absolutely _**anybody**_."

His scowl deepened.

"I don't care about 'anybody'. I care about whether they will accept _**me**_," **he** shot back with a sceptic and scornful look. **I** flinched back some more. **I** scolded myself for being so heartless with my word choice.

"What I mean to say is that, there are people who are perfect out there. There really are people out there who don't try to make others conform," **I** said with a wince. I knew that wasn't what I really meant to say. **His** scowl became a full out glare. I decided to say what I really meant.

"_**I**_ accept you."

_****Syaoran****_'s body language scared me a bit. He sat stiffly up on the couch and faced me head on with the intense stare still on his face. He leaned in slightly and started speaking with purpose, as though he had been prepared to respond to this already.

"I'm barely even honest with you. You don't know the real me. How could you accept me if you don't even know me. _**You**_ just don't know anything. At all!" **Syaoran** said with vengeance. He got up from his sitting position and stalked to the other side of the room, to continue his rant

"I am very aware that there is someone out there who is 'made for me'. Enough people have written legends about it. _**I**_ will never find her though," **Syaoran** argued while facing the wall. He jerked his head to look over his shoulder at me.

"Why the hell am I even speaking to _**you**_ about this? What could _**you**_ possibly do to help?"

I looked at my feet in shame because **I** could not find an answer to his question. Flames burned in my cheeks and **I** closed my eyes to keep the tears in my eyes. Why couldn't I be perfect? Why couldn't I be my friend? Why did I have to be so hopelessly unsociable? It was at times that I had to wish that I was born as my friend. _**She**_ would have calmed him down in seconds. _**She**_ would have found the initiative to go into the world to find **Syaoran** his perfect girl. A tear leaked.

Syaoran's eyes widened as he noticed the trail down my cheek. He took a few steps toward me and his hand came to reach for my face as though to wipe it away.

Suddenly **Syaoran** jerked his hand away in disgust. He marched purposefully to the door and grabbed his jacket. He opened my front door and with one foot out the door, he hesitated.

**Syaoran** turned slightly toward me and sneered.

"Weak."

**He** slammed the door behind him.

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><p>The next morning, I received an email from Syaoran. It was only one sentence long.<p>

_To: _**Girl**

**You** _may be happy to know _**I** _found myself a new girlfriend last night. _

_From: __**Syaoran**_

Another tear leaked from my eye. Damn me and my weakness. I looked up from my bulky PC to my friend sleeping comfortably in her bed. I tilted my head as I contemplated the possible consequences of a thought.

What if my friend and **Syaoran** met again, but as adults? Even though they'd met a few times during childhood at various martial arts competitions, they'd both matured a lot when they entered adulthood.

My eyes widened in horror. _**My friend**_ could deal with melodramatic **Syaoran**. _**She**_ would join in with Syaoran when he made his jokes. _**She**_ would wait patiently for him as he explored his future. _**She**_ was even was knowledgeable in martial arts.

Quite simply, _**she**_ was perfect for him.

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><p>In the year following, I was extra careful not to let him meet my friend. <strong>Syaoran<strong> was as distant as ever, but he did visit once during a brief break while competing in my city.

I tried to keep a few meters away from **Syaoran** while he visited my apartment. He glared at me when he realized that I was purposefully staying on the opposite side of the room as him.

With this knowledge, **Syaoran** got up from his seat and marched over faster than I could get away. **Syaoran** then delivered a challenging look and started to speak about his recent competitions with a n indifferent tone.

I was unable to escape, and **I **found myself unable to even nod or vocally agree to what he was saying. To be truthful, I was scared of him. _**He**_ was beautiful; _**I**_ was weak. He lived an entire life which was light-years different from mine.

An hour later, with naught a word from me, _**Syaoran**_ stood and walked to his coat.

"Goodbye," he stated in an indifferent tone.

And the same as all those months ago, _**Syaoran**_ stopped with one foot out the door and looked at me. This time he gave me an exhausted and condescending look. The door shut carefully behind him.

_**I**_ couldn't be bothered by _**Syaoran**_'s looks that day. All I could think was how glad I felt that my friend hadn't exited her room.

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><p>I was not so lucky six months later. For some incomprehensible reason, Syaoran decided to visit me on my birthday. My jaw dropped in surprise when I answered the door to see him standing there. <em><strong><strong>Syaoran<strong>**_'s eyes widened when he noticed the change in my appearance.

It was my 22nd birthday. I had decided to celebrate this day by dressing up and going to a fancy restaurant with my friend. **Syaoran** had never seen me in a dress before, let alone in any make-up.

I was just about to slam the door and run in the opposite direction when my friend came around the corner. My heart almost stopped beating as **I** panicked.

"Syaoran Li!" _**my friend **_squealed.

"I haven't seen you in forever," Syaoran responded. He almost looked like he was gushing. _**Syaoran**_ was smiling.

"Aww. You were so small last time I saw you," my friend cooed as she gave _**him**_ a hug. _**Syaoran**_ hugged back. Physical contact was happening already. _**I**_ hadn't been physically that close to him since being five.

"Are these birthday celebrations?" **Syaoran** queried, surprised. My brow crinkled together at his astonishment. I was about to give him an answer to his question when my spoke.

"Why don't you join us? We're just going out to a restaurant. You're a good friend of hers too." my friend asked before I could stop her. **I** was screaming in my mind. I knew this would end badly if he came with us. He would fall for my friend's charm and she would fall for his charm. This wasn't fair.

"'Duh. Of course. Why do you think I came?" Syaoran scoffed. He was lying. It wouldn't be like him to come on my birthday to go out for dinner with _**me**_.

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><p><em><strong>I<strong>_ was right. Syaoran and my friend hit it off right away. Their personalities complemented each other perfectly. Melodramatic **Syaoran** never came out around her. Syaoran grew into all the qualities that were perfect about him. People smiled at them as they strolled down the pavement with their arms draped around each other.** I** followed behind them at a brisk walk.

**I** was so pitiful.

I was supposed to know Syaoran, and yet **I** couldn't make him happy. **I **still spent so much time in an effort to have something with **Syaoran**. **I **was pathetic.** I** was weak. **I** had no determination.

Their farewell was sickening. They kissed each other on the cheek and exchanged contact information.

**He** forgot to say goodbye to me.

My friend waltzed up to her room with the most ridiculous smile on her face. I felt sick to the stomach.

My life had fallen apart. My _**Syaoran**_, the one real friend I had, wouldn't have any need at all for me any more- not that he had any need for **me** before. I thought back to all those months ago. My _**Syaoran**_ was right,** I** didn't really know him. The Syaoran that came out at the restaurant was a Syaoran **I** had seldom seen before.

**I** would never be able to help him be happy. It was my friend that he needed. My _**Syaoran**_ didn't need little insecure **me**. He needed a strong person- a person like my friend.

**I** curled up on the doorstep. The very same doorstep my _**Syaoran **_had stood upon when he sent all those scathing looks to me in the past.

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><p>Their relationship was perfect. They got married a week after my 20th birthday. My friend called their marriage a belated birthday present for me. At this, my <strong>Syaoran<strong> sent me one of his signature condescending looks. I smiled back. This was my _**Syaoran**_.

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><p><em>AN: The only name in this entire one-shot is Syaoran's. By not having the names of anybody (only "us/we", "I/me", "my sister/her/she") but Syaoran, I'm trying to show that the narrator is obsessed with Syaoran, and that anybody else is only viewed as just another human in her life. I hope this didn't only succeed in confusing you._

_The bold and italicize was to put in some style in the writing. For example, Syaoran gets bolded whenever he is acting as 'my Syaoran'. 'I' is bold when she in berating herself. 'Friend' and equal pronouns are bold when she is being idolized._

_Also, the narrator never directly states that she is 'in love'/obsessed with him. The idea is that she is so obsessed with him, that loose descriptors like "love" or "obsession" don't mean anything anymore._

_If you didn't catch on, Meiling was the narrator and Sakura was the friend. Meiling and Syaoran are both a little OoC, but that was necessary for the themes of obsession and cruelty._

_Thanks for reading. Review if you please, but I won't guilt you into it, (as much as I squee every time I see that someone has reviewed). Lastly, I was considering writing this from Syaoran's POV too, and adding it as a second chapter. I think that might clear up his obnoxious behaviour. Tell me in a review or a PM if you think this is a good idea, or don't (if you don't want to)._


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